Humor - Celebrity Quotes

• Commentator during the 2006 Winter Olympics:
  "She is skiing for the gold!"
• New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming season:
  "I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first."
• And, upon hearing Joe Jacobi of the 'Skins say: "I'd run over my own mother to win the Super Bowl," Matt Millen of the Raiders said, "To win, I'd run over Joe's Mom, too."
• Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann 1996: "Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."
• Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh: "I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes."
• Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach: "You guys line up alphabetically by height." and "You guys pair up in groups of three, then line up in a circle."
• Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson hooking up again with promoter Don King: "Why would anyone expect him to come out smarter? He went to prison for three years, not Princeton."
• Stu Grimson, Chicago Blackhawks left wing, explaining why he keeps a color photo of himself above his locker: "That's so when I forget how to spell my name, I can still find my clothes."
• Shaquille O'Neal on whether he had visited the Parthenon during his visit to Greece: "I can't really remember the names of the clubs that we went to."
• Shaquille O'Neal, on his lack of championships: "I've won at every level, except college and pro."
• Lou Duva, veteran boxing trainer, on the Spartan training regime of heavyweight Andrew Golota: "He's a guy who gets up at six o'clock in the morning regardless of what time it is."
• Pat Williams, Orlando Magic general manager, on his team's 7-27 record in 1992: "We can't win at home. We can't win on the road. As general manager, I just can't figure out where else to play."
• Chuck Nevitt, North Carolina State basketball player, explaining to Coach Jim Valvano why he appeared nervous at practice: "My sister's expecting a baby, and I don't know if I'm going to be an uncle or an aunt."
• Steve Spurrier, Florida football coach, telling Gator fans that a fire at Auburn's football dorm had destroyed 20 books: "But the real tragedy was that 15 hadn't been colored yet." (1991)
• Jim Finks, New Orleans Saints G.M., when asked after a loss what he thought of the refs: "I'm not allowed to comment on lousy no good officiating." (1986) 
• Alan Kulwicki, stock car racer, on racing Saturday nights as opposed to Sunday afternoons: "It's basically the same, just darker." (1991)
• Lincoln Kennedy, Oakland Raiders tackle, on his decision not to vote: "I was going to write myself in, but I was afraid I'd get shot." (1996)
• Frank Layden, Utah Jazz president, on a former player: "I told him, 'Son, what is it with you? Is it ignorance or apathy?' He said, 'Coach, I don't know and I don't care.' " (1991)
• Torrin Polk, University of Houston receiver, on his coach, John Jenkins: "He treats us like men. He lets us wear earrings." (1991)
• Shelby Metcalf, basketball coach at Texas A&M, recounting what the old player who received four F's and one D: "Son, looks to me like you're spending too much time on one subject."
• Oiler coach Bum Phillips: When asked by Bob Costas why he takes his wife on all the road trips, Phillips responded, "Because she is too damn ugly to kiss good-bye."
• Brooke shields "Smoking kills. And if you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life."
• Clinton aide George Stephanopoulos speaking on Larry King Live: "The president has kept all of the promises he intended to keep."
• Former Chicago mayor Daley during the infamous 1968 convention: "The police are not here to create disorder. They're here to preserve disorder."
• Forestry expert Ronald Reagan "If you've seen one redwood tree, you've seen them all."
• Former Australian cabinet minister Keppel enderbery "Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas."
• Former u.s. vice-president Dan Quayle:
  "It is wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago."
  "I was recently on a tour of Latin America, and the only regret I have was that I didn't study Latin harder in school so I could converse with those people."
  "I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix."
  "It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."
• Former Philadelphia mayor and police chief frank Rizzo "The streets are safe in Philadelphia. It's only the people that make them unsafe."
• Republican presidential candidate bob dole "The internet is a great way to get on the net."
• Andrew Mathis "It is bad luck to be superstitious."
• Boston Mayor Menino on the shortage of city parking spaces "It's like an Alcatraz around my neck."
• Pratt & Whitney spokesperson explaining why the company charged the air force nearly $1,000 for an ordinary pair of pliers "They're multipurpose. Not only do they put the clips on, but they take them off."
• Jason Kidd, upon his drafting to the Dallas mavericks "We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees."
• Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents "I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president."
• Former u.s. president Calvin Coolidge "When more and more people are thrown out of work, unemployment results."
• Former French president Charles de Gaulle "China is a big country, inhabited by many Chinese."
• A congressional candidate in Texas "That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it."
• Former u.s. president Dwight d. Eisenhower "Things are more like they are now than they ever were before."

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