BUMPER STICKERS / TEE SHIRTS
Various humorous quotes seen on a bumper sticker or a tee shirt.
Added 07/27/05:
- What was the best thing before sliced bread?
- If practice makes perfect, and nobody's perfect, then why practice?
- Why is an electrical outlet called an outlet when you plug things into it?
- If you accidentally ate your own tongue, what would it taste like?
Older:
- Forget about World Peace. Visualize using your turn signal.
- He who laughs last thinks slowest.
- Time is what keeps everything from happening at once.
- The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.
- Laugh alone the world thinks you're an idiot.
- Rehab is for quitters.
- I get enough exercise just pushing my luck.
- Sometimes I wake up grumpy; Other times I let her sleep.
- I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
- When you do a good deed, get a receipt in case heaven is like the IRS.
- Where there is a will, I want to be in it.
- It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.
- Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
- Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
- Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.
- There are 3 kinds of people; those who can count and those who can't.
- Why is abbreviation such a long word?
- A day without sunshine is like, night.
- 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
- 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
- I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
- Honk if you love peace and quiet.
- Remember half the people you know are below average.
- Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how popular it remains?
- Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
- The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
- I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
- I intend to live forever - so far so good.
- Borrow money from a pessimist - they don't expect it back.
- Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.
- A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
- Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
- Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.
- No one is listening until you make a mistake.
- Success always occurs in private and failure in full view.
- The colder the x-ray table the more of your body is required on it.
- The hardness of butter is directly proportional to the softness of the bread.
- The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it.
- To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
- Two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts do.
- The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
- The sooner you fall behind the more time you'll have to catch up.
- Change is inevitable except from vending machines.
- Get a new car for your spouse - it'll be a great trade!
- Plan to be spontaneous - tomorrow.
- Always try to be modest and be proud of it!
- If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
- How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand...
- Love may be blind but marriage is a real eye-opener.
- If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving isn't for you.
A few of my favorites:
- Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
- Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.
- Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
- We have enough youth, how about a fountain of smart?
- I love cats... they taste just like chicken.
- Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.