Blonde Jokes

Added 02/22/03 (credit unknown)

• How do you know when a blonde has been making chocolate chip cookies?
  You find M&M shells all over the kitchen floor.
• What did the blonde do when she noticed that someone had already written on the overhead transparency?
  She turned it over and used the other side.
• What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette?
  Artificial intelligence.
• What is every blonde's ambition in life?
  To be like Vanna White and learn the alphabet.
• What is it called when a blonde blows in another blonde's ear?
  Data transfer.
• Why did the blonde climb over the glass wall?
  To see what was on the other side.
• Why did the blonde climb up to the roof of the bar?
  She heard that the drinks were on the house.
• What is the blonde doing when she holds her hands tightly over her ears?
  Trying to hold on to a thought.
• Why can't blondes make ice cubes?
  They always forget the recipe.
• What do you call a blonde skeleton in the closet?
  Last year's hide and seek champ.

Added 02/22/03 (credit unknown)
Three women, a blonde, a brunette and a redhead competed in the Breast Stroke division of an English Channel swim competition:
The brunette came in first, and the redhead was a close second. Much later, the blonde finally reached the shore, completely exhausted and near the point of drowning. After being revived with blankets and coffee, she muttered, "I don't want to sound like a sore loser, but I think those other two girls used their arms."

Added 03/08/02 (credit unknown)
Two blondes walk into a bar. They're in a very celebratory mood and when they get their drinks they toast each other saying "42 days!". The bartender laughs and says,
"Why are you celebrating 42 days?"
One blond replies "Oh we just finished a jigsaw puzzle in 42 days and on the box it said 3 to 5 years!"

Added 03/08/02 (credit unknown)
A young brunette goes into the doctor's office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it.
"Impossible," says the doctor. "Show me."
She takes her finger and pushes her elbow and then she screams in agony. She pushes her knee and screams; then pushes her ankle and screams. Everywhere she touches makes her scream. The doctor says,
"You're not really a brunette, are you?"
"No," she says, "I'm really a blonde."
"I thought so," the doctor replies. "You have a broken finger."

Added 11/26/01 (credit unknown)
>A man was mowing his front yard when his attractive, blonde, female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to her mailbox. She opened the mailbox, looked inside, slammed it shut, and stormed back into her house. A little later, she came out of her house again, went to the mailbox, again opened it, and again slammed it shut. Angrily back into the house she went. As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, the blonde came out again. She marched to the mailbox, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever. Puzzled by her actions, the man asked her,
"Is something wrong?" She replied,
"There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps telling me I have mail!"

Added 11/17/01 (credit unknown)
A blonde, a brunette and a redhead went into a bar and asked the bartender:
Brunette: "I'll have a B and C."
Bartender: "What is a B and C?".
Brunette: "Bourbon and Coke."
Redhead: "And, I'll have a G and T."
Bartender: "What's a G and T?"
Redhead: "Gin and tonic."
Blonde: "I'll have a 15."
Bartender: "What's a 15?"
Blonde: "7 and 7"

(credit unknown)
There was this blonde who just got sick and tired of all the blonde jokes she'd hear at the office. So one evening she went home and memorized all the state capitals. Back in the office the next day, some guy started telling a Dumb Blonde joke.
She interrupted him with a shrill announcement, "I've had it up to here with these blonde jokes. I want you to know that this blonde went home last night and did something probably none of you could do...I memorized all the state capitals."
One of the guys said "I don't believe you." She said, "It's true. Just test me!"
"Okay. What is the capital of Alaska?" he asked. "A" she answered.

(credit http://www.eMailHello.com)
A blonde walks in to a pawn shop close to where she lives.... she looks around for a while and then approaches the clerk..
"I would like to buy that TV over there," she says.
The clerk says, "I am sorry lady we don't serve blondes here."
The blonde leaves in a huff.  The next day she returns wearing a brunette wig.
"I would like to purchase that TV over there"
Again the clerk says, "Lady I told you yesterday we do not serve blondes here."
Now the blonde is furious... The next day she dresses like a man (a suit, tie, mustache, etc.) She approaches the clerk and says in a deep voice, "I would like to purchase the TV over there!"
The clerk then says, "Lady I told you twice already we do not sell to blondes here!!"
She says to the clerk "How can you tell... yesterday I wore a wig, today I am dressed like a man, how can you tell it is me??"
He laughs and says, "Because that's a microwave!!"

Top